We sat at my dining room table having morning coffee. My friend came over to work on a project with me. Our conversation drifted from our work. He asked if I had plans for the New Year. I laughed and said, “We’re doing it! It’s this project.” He shook his head and explained: “I meant resolutions for the new year.” Nodding, I replied, “Honestly, I think next year will be much the same as this past year.” He continued. “It’s really important to me to become a better person. I want to change the things that just aren’t right about me.”
I know that part of our differences in perspective has to do with age. I know that I am at an age where I’ve learned to become accepting of myself, both the best aspects of myself as well as my tendencies to be less than gracious. I know that I have a capacity to be compassionate and giving. But I also have a temper and can be judgmental. While I make efforts to curb my darker side (and am thankful that my life partner holds me accountable when I behave badly), I don’t expect that I’ll ever be entirely rid of these aspects of myself. I’ve learned to accept that these tendencies are there, accept responsibility when they lead me to hurt others, and allow them to keep me mindful about my own limitations.
While I appreciate and support my friend’s ambition to become a better person, I sometimes wonder if he realizes that he already is an amazing individual. I suspect that’s he’s simply like many of us: we often focus on our frailties and failings and miss the things much more obvious to others including the unique gifts and graces that make us the people we are.
In his second letter to the ancient church in Corinth, Biblical writer Paul explained: “Our bodies are nothing more than clay vessels, but there is a light shining within us. It’s a great treasure from God” (2 Corinthians 4:7). While he could affirm that the light of God shown through him, Paul also knew he wasn’t a perfect person. In this same letter, Paul also writes about a “thorn in his flesh” which prevents him from being the person he believes he should be. His resolution is certain: God’s power and presence are most evident in our weakness. When we are weak, that inner light of God shines through us. To build on Paul’s analogy, it’s because of the cracks in the clay vessels that the line can shine out.
What then is my plan for self-improvement? How will I become a better person in the New Year? It will be the same plan I’ve used this past year, and the year before, and for many years before that. It is by spending time daily in prayer and meditation that I am able to make room for the inner light of God’s presence to burn more brightly within me. Along with that, I know that I need to take care of myself: eating properly, exercising, and getting good rest. While I do these things for my own inner growth, I must also remember to live with compassion toward all who come into my life. It that way, the transformation I experience in my life may allow the inner light of God to shine — or perhaps even spark something in others.
My hope for my friend is that he will come to know and deeply experience the wonder of his own being and be thankful for it. My experience is that when we grasp the wonder of who we are and live in gratitude for self, then we do become our best selves.
So may it be for this New Year for us all!
Photo by Elvert Barnes on Visualhunt.com/CC BY-SA