Wake-Up! Stay Alert!

Keep watch! Stay alert! Those are the words Jesus used several times in the gospels attributed to Mark and Matthew. The concept is clear: you don’t know when the realm of God will break into your life, so keep watch and stay alert. Don’t miss it.

A very similar concept is found in Buddhism. Buddhists are encouraged to wake up and stay awake. The state of being awake is related to living in a mindful way — being aware of life in the present moment.

In both Christian and Buddhist traditions, monks and nuns have maintained a spiritual practice of keeping vigil, often waking up well before dawn for a time of meditation. This practice is meant to orient one to anticipate the dawning of something of life’s mystery and wonder in day to day experience. Keeping vigil is a spiritual practice which literally causes one to wake up and keep watch.

For many years I understood the monastic practice of keeping vigil even if I only practiced it on occasion. But a few years ago, I came to realize the implications of keeping watch and staying alert. This vigil took a new meaning when we began to care for my aging mother in our home.

About four years ago, my mother had a stroke that rendered her blind. This is in addition to the gradual decline she’s experienced because of arthritis. Today, she is in almost constant pain and moves with great difficulty. While she walks with a walker, she must also feel her way because of the lack of vision.

Again this morning, around 6:15, I was startled awake by a sound I could not identify. I sprang from my bed to see if there was a problem. She was in the bathroom brushing her teeth. Her hairbrush had fallen to the floor. There was no real problem. But the words of Jesus from Mark’s gospel came back to me: Keep watch! Stay awake! You know not the day nor the hour! (see Matthew 25:13)

I’ve spoken with friends who care for their parent’s at home. As we’ve shared our experiences and some very similar stories, what becomes evident is that the most difficult aspect of the care is the vigilance. Rarely is there a cause for concern. But, you know not the day nor the hour! There could be a fall. There could be a stroke. There could be something serious at any time.

Caring for a loved one who experiences long term, chronic, or debilitating illness opens a person to a level of experience not found in other tasks. To be a care-giver day to day is to be vigilant. Keeping watch and staying awake is simply exhausting. The only regular time I find that I fully relax is when I’m away from home. My usual trips are for business: lecturing several days on the road, which generally requires being with people for ten or twelve hours a day. But when I get to the hotel room and close the door, I am alone. There is no vigil to keep.

An essential part of the difference between keeping vigil as a spiritual practice and the vigilance of care giving is that by keeping vigil as a spiritual practice, one looks for Mystery to enter life in a positive way while the vigilance of care-giving is an alertness to danger. Living in a country with terror warnings, where children are taught to fear strangers who could be predators, and where we live behind locked doors and secured buildings, perhaps we are best trained to be vigilant in watching for danger. Vigilance because of fear is far different from keeping vigil out of hope. Keeping vigil out of a sense of hope opens us to new possibilities for experiencing life fully.

While I value the opportunity to provide care and support to my mother, the experience of vigilance has caused me to consider my own spiritual practice and the ways I can better live in openness to something new. What is required to live in a way that keeps watch for the ways Mystery breaks into life each day? How does one live in a way that is alert and awake in order to experience the unexpected gifts that are found in life? In a culture such as ours, is it possible to keep vigil without also maintaining a heightened level of stress?