On Being Here … Or Not

I finished the meeting with a sense of frustration. While I’ve been through this before, I found myself again amazed at the amount of time that was spent addressing non-critical details. The words of a former colleague came to mind. “Some people just major in minors.” In other words, there are those who seem to relish in getting caught up in unsubstantial issues so that they dominate the process. While nothing really changed from the beginning of the meeting until the end, we wasted a couple of hours with nothing to show. My mind began to count how much money was spent to have the group of us at this meeting with nothing to show for it.

I recognize that I tend to view things differently from most people. I’ve known that for some time. Some of my close friends will point it out to me – sometimes not in the most charitable of ways. Even while I may not appreciate it at the moment, it’s helpful to remember. Meeting for the sake of meeting or attempting to dominate a process for personal or political gain is offensive to me. It demonstrates a fundamental disrespect of others.

I learned early in my professional career that life is simply too short to major in minors. Human life is too valuable to waste time in this way. Instead, it’s critical to focus on what’s really significant when the opportunity is at hand. How did I gain that perspective? Perhaps it will make more sense given the experiences that made up the first half of my career.

When I first began professional ministry, I served as chaplain at a large inner city hospital with a trauma unit. That was in 1980. I was in my mid-20’s and working every day with issues related to dying and death. My office was just a few doors away from the pediatric intensive care unit. I was also on-call many nights at the trauma unit.

During the four years I served at that facility, I was also in residence at a local parish church that averaged 75 funerals a year. To say that it was a dying church was very literal. I regularly assisted in wake services in mortuaries and funeral services at the church.

These experiences were followed by working primarily with people with HIV/AIDS for about a dozen years. While my work with people with AIDS began at the hospital where I served as chaplain, it quickly expanded to a much larger part of my life.

In short, I spent about 17 years working with people who faced death. That gave me a very different perspective on life. For that, I am grateful.

Gratitude for life: that’s something many of us say but the words often have a hollow ring to them. It may be difficult to consider, but take a few moments to think about the world without you in it. I’m not asking that you image your death. That sounds a little too much like a cult movie from the 1970’s. Rather, consider your absence from this world. What would the world be like if you weren’t a part of it. What difference does your life make?

Taking time to reflect on life without our presence in the world was a common spiritual practice in past eras. While it may seem to be macabre, the exercise can lead to a valuable opportunity. Thinking about our “non-being” is an opportunity to examine how our lives influence the lives of others. Do we bring other people greater joy or happiness? Do we bring the best out in others? Do we discover that we’re one of those folks who majors in minors, who become obsessive over inconsequential details that prevent others from moving forward?

To paraphrase German existential philosopher, Martin Heidegger: the brilliant colors of life can best be viewed against the backdrop of the darkness of death. In working with others who faced death, I had a great deal of time to consider my own life. It helped me to come to an understanding of what’s important to me about the way I live. By considering what it would be like not to be alive, one can gain insight into the way in which one lives both today and for tomorrow.

I know that I won’t ever escape meetings that have no real outcome. Currently, my primary work is in an academic context. It’s amazing how academics can spend lots of time considering whether one word is the best word to use in a document only to later agree that the original word used was the correct one. Ugh! Yet, even in that context, I am called to remember that what’s most important is how to make the most of each moment – even those strained moments during meetings. That’s what my presence can bring into the situation.