Social Isolation, Violence, and Compassion

The story is a familiar one. He was a quiet kid. He spent time on line and seemed preoccupied with his own thoughts. He didn’t have many friends. He didn’t seem to want any. He didn’t cause anyone a problem. He was just a loner. Then one day people noticed him. Armed with a semi-automatic weapon, he killed a number of people at a school, a movie theater, a shopping mall …. at some place. Yes, his story has been told and retold in the news.

There’s another story, a more recent one. It gripped our attention and closed a major city for a day. A young man immigrated to the US with his family. He didn’t like it here. He didn’t understand the culture. He kept to himself. He didn’t fit it. One day, he and his younger brother planted a couple of home-made bombs. After the blast, they continued on with their day as though nothing special had happened.

Social alienation. The problem continues to grow in the US and other “developed” countries. It may be more noticeable in the U.S. because social alienation is often a significant factor in the mass tragedies that make headlines. While people throughout American culture experience social alienation, it seems to be most acute among young men. These youth are at a time in life when they are developing a sense of themselves as adults. At least, that’s when the acuteness of social alienation is most significant to society because it undergirds violent outbursts like mass shootings.

Some people lament life in the 1950’s – the era when they were children themselves. They paint a picture of life through the memory of childhood: when everyone got along, was happy, and people looked after each other. In fact, this is not an accurate picture of life in the decade after World War II when the U.S. and Europe were rebuilding and reestablishing themselves. However, this childhood description of idyllic life provides an image of a public life that reduces social isolation.

In most neighborhoods and communities, people today know very little about their neighbors. Daily routines are consistent: people leave home in the morning, come back in the evening, and have little contact with those around them throughout the day. The lack of involvement with those around us is a manifestation of social isolation. An isolated way of living has significant consequences for individuals, like increased diagnoses for depression and anxiety. It also leads to communities that are less safe than they could be. For example, about a year ago, one home in my neighborhood was burglarized while two other neighbors watched and made no report. When questioned, they said they weren’t sure if they should dial 9-1-1. They both said that they considered it but decided that it would do little good and may cause the robbers to target their homes.

As a society, we pay a high cost for social isolation. Social isolation increases with urbanization. With more than 50% of the world’s population living in cities, the experience of social isolation has grown from past decades. By 2050, 70% of the world’s population will live in cities. The closer we live to each other, the greater the tendency to set-up internal barriers to isolate us from the many people around us. Today, walking down the street in any major city in the world, one is more likely to find people talking on a cell phone than to people around them.

What’s the solution to reducing social isolation? While there’s clearly no simple solution to social isolation, there are strategies that can help us move beyond it.

First, it’s vital for us to recognize that it’s in our own interest to reduce social isolation. Reducing social isolation will reduce crime and violence in society while improving the overall quality of life in our communities.

Second, we each need to recognize how we erect barriers that prevent people from being part of our lives. We create our own sense of isolation and disconnection from our immediate communities. Our barriers often make us feel misunderstood, unappreciated, or as though we have little in common with others. Yet, we don’t actually know what we may have in common with others because we’ve not attempted to make connections with them.

Third, those who are able to reach out beyond themselves need to have empathy for others. I wonder how many acts of violence would have been prevented if only one person made a connection with a lonely, isolated young person. Would there be as many shootings at schools, movie theaters, or shopping malls? Would there be problems with bullying or teen suicide? Perhaps if someone had been able to connect with a young man from Chechnya, yes, just perhaps those bombs at the Boston Marathon would not have been planted.

Ultimately, what leads us beyond social isolation is compassion. When we live with compassion for ourselves and empathy for others, the barriers between us and others melt away. It’s then we come to live in a way that reflects the truth: we’re all in this world together.

It’s a simple lesson for us all: compassion enables us to move beyond our own fears and live fuller, healthier lives with others. In the face of growing social isolation, we need to grow together in compassion.