The Myth of the Lone Wolf

It’s a striking image: a wild, dominant wolf, alone and on its own seeking prey while ruling its territory. This metaphor is not just popular among young men who seek to define themselves as rugged individuals. The lone wolf is also something of an analogy for a strong leader, a successful executive, or a man’s man. The image of the lone wolf is also used to market assault weapons, a women’s career magazine, executive coaching services, and a seemingly endless list of products and services identified by my web search.

Yet, there’s something not quite right about this image of the lone wolf. To say that the lone wolf is a myth is an understatement. Myths having meaning that convey a deeper truth meant to teach or inspire. But the lone wolf? It’s nothing but a fabrication! A lone wolf is a distortion of the reality of the lives of wolves.

Wolves are pack animals. Their survival depends on the group. Their innate strategies for hunting are based on group organization. They live in hierarchical groupings or communities, if you will. They take care of each other and depend on each other. It’s the pack that makes individual members strong and successful.

There are lone wolves. Lone wolves typically fall into two categories. One is the senior alpha who used to be the head of the pack. Such a lone wolf was driven out of the pack by a younger rival who took his place. The other is the younger rival who challenged the alpha, lost, and wasn’t permitted by the alpha to remain in the pack. This latter is the wolf that just doesn’t fit in. Lone wolves typically become weak because of lack of nutrition and die. They rarely survive very long on their own and often resort to feeding off dead carcasses and have no territory of their own.

I learned about wolves during the years I lived in Southern Arizona. I came to know a traditional healer from the Mandan tribe who lived a few hours east of Tucson. He worked with wolves. My Mandan friend understood the wolf as his totem spirit, which was what led him to maintain a pack of wolves on his ranch. He would become angry when people who toured the ranch to learn about wolves would refer to him as “a lone wolf.” Such comments were meant as a compliment. He heard it as an insult, implying that he didn’t get along with others, was incapable of relationships, or was a weak individual. Sometimes he’d ask with indignation, “Are you calling me weak and old?” Of course, that question was met with blank stares and confusion when posed by a tall, muscular, strapping man in his early thirties.

My Mandan friend shared with me how he learned what it meant to live as part of a group from wolves. Having grown-up in a community marred by addiction and domestic violence, he relocated to the Southwest and created a way to learn from his totem animal: the wolf. He found that by working with wolves and other animals, he learned about the commitment it took to maintain long-term relationships, deferring to the needs of others, and doing one’s part for the success of the group. In other words, the wolves taught him a new way to live and work with others that was cooperative and benefited the members of the group and the group itself.

I’m not sure how the myth of the lone wolf originated. What I do know is that wolves live with a strong sense of inter-dependence. That’s something that seems almost absent in Western culture today because of our values on individualism. We want to believe that we can make it on our own and be the “master of my own fate,” to quote Henley’s poem Invictus. Such independence is an illusion. What’s true is that we’re all in this together – and depend on each other.

As I consider the problems of the world, ranging from income inequality to wars for political domination, I have come to understand that at the heart of division is a belief that one is better than others and that one can be strong without others. That false belief is at the heart of the myth of the lone wolf. But the truth is the same for wolves as it is for people: the one who separates self from the larger community in the quest for power ends up dying weak and alone. At heart, it’s our cooperative connections with others that enable us, as individuals and as the human race, to thrive.