I recently met the parents of a good friend. I enjoyed spending time with them, sharing a meal, and witnessing the joy they shared as a couple. I’m not sure how long they’ve been married but I’d guess it’s been at least fifty years. Clearly, their marriage is a successful story of love and romance. But does that mean they never had problems, tensions, or obstacles to overcome? Were there some days they weren’t a success?
One of my mentors was viewed by many as a success. In public, he was warm, charming, and delightful. He published over thirty books. He lectured in many countries and was praised for his insights. But I know that he had insecurities and often battled inner darkness. I’m really not sure if he felt like he was a success. Was he?
There’s a neighbor around the corner from me. She’s one of the kindest people I know. She’s devoted to her husband, cares for other elders in the community by visiting them and bringing food, she always has a kind word. She’s lived in the same house most of her life — a modest, comfortable home. She has a granddaughter who lives with chronic mental illness. I know my neighbor experiences shame and stigma about her granddaughter. How should she view her life? Is she a success?
What makes a person successful? Is it the money they’ve earned? The degrees they hold? The influence they wield? What’s the measure? A long marriage, happiness, or a meaningful life? We use the term “success” to describe people and act as though we know what it means, but what does it actually mean?
We say that someone’s life is a success story when they turn life around. An addict who holds a job, cares for family, and goes back to school: that’s a success story. A successful parent…well, isn’t that someone whose kids never gets into trouble? Or, in the context of my work, a successful grad student is one who does well in all her courses, moves forward in doctoral research, and publishes a well-done study. That’s someone who accomplishes her goals and makes the system work for her. Success!
Let’s be honest: these definitions of success are somewhat opaque. They don’t represent life as it actually is. There’s also no clear measure of success. Not only is success subjective, but it can take on a host of different meanings. But in all cases, our definitions of success, what we call success, only looks at one aspect of life: the times when things went well.
On the way to success, there are usually troubled times. That’s true for people whose success can be measured in business. Whether it’s Tom Chappell (founder of Tom’s of Maine), James Dyson (the engineer who made the Dyson vacuum cleaner), or Wendy Kopp (founder of Teach for America), people who most of us view as successful didn’t have perfectly “successful” lives. They experienced times when life was hard, when obstacles and frustrations seemed insurmountable, when they just weren’t sure if they would make it. Times of personal failure are all too real for most of us. Sometimes, they overwhelm us. Other times, we find the strength and fortitude to move forward in some direction. What people label as success is most often a lucky combination of events and skills and an extra dose of grit to enable them to find ways through or around substantial roadblocks. Sometimes it seems as though all is lost.
Christians know this pattern in the story of Jesus, but often we fail to recognize it in our own lives and the lives of those around us. In the weeks preceding Easter, Christians reflect on the events that led Jesus to the cross: manipulation, betrayal, plotting by those with power, dissension among his friends, and opportunistic political leaders. All these forces which hemmed in Jesus led a teacher of love and compassion to be sentenced to a brutal form of capital punishment. Hanging naked nailed to a tree: that’s not success. No, the life of Jesus ended in horrible failure. But something happened. That failure was transformed into a new opportunity and success. That’s the story we know.
This is not just the story of Jesus. It’s all our stories. Indeed, when we see someone as a success, it’s not because they didn’t walk a difficult road. Instead, they found ways to overcome limitation and opportunities to transform what seemed like failure into a new way to be.
In the end, the story of Jesus life, death, and resurrection isn’t just about a man who lived 2000 years ago. It’s the prototype for our story and what it means to be a success…..however we measure that. To be a success usually requires walking a lonely and difficult road. But perhaps with faith and trust, the road leads beyond the challenges we face to something radically new.
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