The Way of Jesus in Friendship and Grief

Friendship.  The term is used frequently and conveys a myriad of meanings.  On social media, we “friend” others including people we’ve never met.  We refer to people we haven’t seen in years, perhaps since school days, as “friends” yet other than sharing a moment in time, we have little in common.  Then there are real friends.  These are people we’ve known for years, individuals with whom we share good times as well as challenging times, who hold our secrets, and who help us to laugh at ourselves.  Such friends are nothing less than precious gems.  When a true friend dies, the loss we experience is difficult to put into words.  People may offer sympathy, yet we also know that it’s assumed our loss isn’t very great because “she was just a friend.”

The Biblical gospel attributed to John conveys that Jesus had friends.  While all the gospels present stories of the disciples and other followers of Jesus, John is unique in telling us about the friends of Jesus.  It seems that Jesus liked to hang out with a particular family that he knew.  This family was comprised of two sisters and a brother:  Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.  They lived in Bethany, a small town near Jerusalem.  We don’t know how Jesus met this family, but he considered them intimate friends.

A story from John’s gospel that’s often retold during Lent is the story of the death of Lazarus.  Jesus received word that his friend was ill.  Jesus knew that it was a serious illness.  Yet, he took his time getting to Bethany.  He told his disciples, Lazarus had died.  Jesus knew it.  And Jesus was in tears.

It’s significant for us to consider that Jesus had close friends and experienced the pain of grief.  While grief is an experience that we all share, it’s an experience rarely discussed.  I know it bothers other people when I talk about my own grief.  I think that’s because it reminds them of their own experiences of grief which they’d rather forget.  But there it is in the book:  Jesus cried knowing that his good friend had died.

The story presented to us in the gospel is that Jesus went to Bethany and asked that the tomb be opened.  Doing so would have been a serious religious and cultural offense.  And let’s not forget:  three days dead, laying in a tomb with no embalming in a desert region – yes, there would have been a pungent odor.  But the tomb was opened and Jesus called for Lazarus who walks out of the tomb to everyone’s amazement.

As a rhetorical device, the author of John’s gospel is attempting to use this story to prefigure the resurrection of Jesus.  It’s a difficult story for us to understand today.  I don’t know if Jesus really brought Lazarus back to life or not. Some suggest that Lazarus was in a coma and was roused back to awareness.  I don’t know.  I wasn’t there.  Yet, if Lazarus was raised, he eventually died at some later time.  He’s not here today.  There’s no account of him after this gospel story.

We often focus on Lazarus and his being raised from the dead.  But if you read the story recorded in the gospel attributed to John, the story is about Jesus and the way he moved through a situation familiar to us.  He was deeply touched by his friend’s death.  He wanted to see his friend again.  He wanted to do the things he did in the past with his friend like sharing a meal.  These are all aspects of grief and bereavement.  These are experiences we often prefer not to speak about.  However, they are exemplified in the life of Jesus.  His good friend, his intimate companion, had died.

But what about Lazarus?  A wonderful short book by Kahlil Gibran titled Lazarus and His Beloved explores what it might have been like for Lazarus to come back from the dead.  While Lazarus is at first happy to see his family and friends once again, as time goes on, he wishes that he wasn’t brought back.  Lazarus had experienced the peace of the next life and now was back in the toil of our world.  Over time, Lazarus falls into what I’ll call a depression, longing for the beauty and joy of eternal life and feeling disconnected with life in this realm.  He wants to know, “Jesus: why did you bring me back?”  While the book is an imaginative reflection about what it would have been like for Lazarus, it’s helpful for us to consider that perhaps wanting a loved one back with us may not be what the other would want.  I’ve spoken with many people before their death who felt that it was their time to pass from this life.  They knew they were done.

Grief brings us sadness.  That’s true in any form of grief.  The loss of a close friend, an intimate companion, is particularly challenging for most of us.  It’s a loss not often recognized by others.  Yet, I find comfort in reading about Jesus and the death of his friend Lazarus.  Indeed, the stories of Jesus are our stories.  They are meant to help us make sense of our lives.

Photo credit:  Foter.com

(This posting was originally published on this site April 3, 2019.)