The Grace of Aging: Five Aspects

As another birthday approaches, I’ve reflected on my own experience of aging.  While I am more content and at peace than I’ve ever been, there are days when I wish that my body were more cooperative than it sometimes is.  It’s from this context that I share this brief video on important lessons about the experience of aging.  I hope you find it helpful.

The following is a text version of this posting.

I think for many people, aging is a confusing experience.  We experience various aspects of ourselves in similar ways as to when we were younger, like our sense of humor, our interests, and the things that make us the people we are.  Yet, when we catch a glimpse of ourselves in a mirror, we wonder who it is that’s looking back at us.  Of course, there’s what happens to us most evenings. After sitting for a while in our favorite chair, reading a book, or watching TV, we start to stand up.  Just trying to stand seems like we’re climbing Mount Olympus!  While we view ourselves as the people we’ve always been, we are caught off guard by the ways we are changing. Just as our bodies change in our so-called “golden years,” so does our inner life.  These are important changes for us to recognize. 

The cultural narrative about aging is prejudicial and is based on several falsehoods.  In fact, there’s something both gracious and grace-filled about aging.  There are five aspects to the grace of aging that I find to be important.

First, there’s a common perception that older people are often lonely and depressed.  The rate of loneliness is 60% among young adults between the ages of 18 and 22.   But among those aged 50 to 75, it’s around 20%.  With depression, adults between the ages of 18 and 22 experience depression at the rate of 19% while older adults are under 14%.  Of course, there are individuals of all ages who are lonely and depressed, but in terms of aging, most older adults experience loneliness and depression less often than younger adults.

Second, as we grow older, most of us experience greater contentment with life.  For older adults, there’s a greater sense of life satisfaction than younger adults experience.  As an amusing example, someone recently asked that I look over something. They suggested, “Save it for when you get bored, look at it, and get back to me.”  My response was that I don’t get bored, so I’ll just look over it.  While I usually spend much of my day alone, I’m not bored.  I’m content to read, write, and even just sit and think.  It’s a gift that I didn’t expect at this time in my life.  As I talk with friends in my age group, I’ve learned that their experience is much like my own.

Third, given that older adults have lived far more years than we have left to live, we’re generally less troubled by life’s problems.  Most of us have faced quite a few problems and crises in past decades.  Because we’ve made it through difficult times before, there’s a quiet confidence that we’ll face whatever comes our way.  We may prefer to avoid difficult times, but we’ll handle it if it comes our way.

Fourth, out of this all, older adults have a broader perspective on life.  We have fewer beliefs about having to be perfect or about being successful.  Whether we want to admit it or not, older adults generally have an awareness of our strengths and weaknesses.  Because of that, we’re able to roll with life events a bit more while remaining focused on what we value.

This all adds up to the fifth aspect of growing older:  We’re generally able to live with a greater depth.  We appreciate more things in life moment by moment and we’re open to a greater sense of contemplative awareness.  Because we have found greater contentment, we hope that others around us will be able to do that as well. 

Yes, aging does have its challenges.  There are days when the “golden years” are not all that they are cracked up to be.  At the same time, I know for myself, there are ways I’ve found that growing older is a gift.  And I am grateful for the ability to live in ways that are more freeing as I age.