Tiger Woods: Apology and Forgiveness

Yes, he’s a public figure. Yes, we’ve had a certain image of him. Yes, he was a hero to children. At the same time, the actions which led to Tiger Wood’s apology didn’t hurt the American public. Those actions hurt his wife, his family, and Mr. Woods himself.

Tiger was clear in his statement. He was raised as a Buddhist. All forms of Buddhism are based on the Four Noble Truths. Tiger alluded to them in his statement:

1. Life if filled with suffering
2. The cause of suffering is desire or attachment to things outside of self.
3. Becoming free from desires and attachment results in the freedom from suffering.
4. The Eight-Fold path of Buddhism leads to the freedom from desire and suffering.

Tiger Woods’ life of fame led to his desire for things outside of himself. This desire resulted in suffering for him, his wife and his family.

At the same time, many people express shock or a sense of scandal at Tiger’s behavior. We had an image of him. We wanted him to be super human. Our desire was that he not have desires and attachments of his own. We grew attached to an image of whom we wanted Tiger to be.

From a Buddhist perspective, the desire of the American public for Tiger Woods to be an icon of purity was an attachment to something that has led to our own suffering. An unrealistic set of expectations was established for him to live by – expectations most Americans don’t live by. Estimates range from 25 to 50 % of American married couples are reported to have been involved in extramarital affairs. Countless others are involved with the use of pornography and other aides to sexual and emotional fantasies which draw couples away from intimacy. We wanted Tiger to be more self-disciplined than we are and that desire has led to our own suffering. Further, our sense of scandal has harmed Mr. Woods and his family.

Some of Tiger’s mistresses have claimed that they have been hurt. They had the expectation that Tiger would leave his wife and marry them. How realistic was that expectation? Again, their suffering seems to be rooted in the desire for what they never had and an attachment to a fantasy of life with someone rich and famous.

While it is true that Tiger and his wife and family have a great deal of work to do in regard to forgiveness, it’s also true that all the pain involved in this situation was rooted in desire, expectation, and attachment. The foundational truth of Buddhism is that these things are the root of human suffering.

If theirs anything Tiger’s struggling can teach us is that the human condition always seeks to forgive. We are always selling to each other, and overcoming objections in sales is a tenant of our human society. In order for people to forgive Tiger they need to genuinely believe he has changed and that takes time and persistence, tools used in sales of every business.

Tiger has suffered and others in his life has suffered because of his lack of self-discipline and tendency to allow desire to run his life. But we do the same thing most every day. Fundamentally, there is nothing different about what Tiger did from the ways in which we cause our own suffering or suffering in the lives of others. We become attached to things that are outside of us, want them, and try to make reality different from what it is by attempting to force our desires to come true. That fills the world with suffering.

In response to his actions, Tiger admitted that he needs to live differently. Both he and his wife understand that that forgiveness will be based on living life differently by making real changes. In Buddhism, that is living in a mindful way that is free from desire and attachment to things outside of self.

In the end, perhaps it’s not just Tiger who needs to seek forgiveness. We, too, need to learn how to live mindfully in the present, not chasing after fantasies, desires and attachment. That will end our own suffering. That will end the suffering in the world.