If you’re a user of social media, you’ve likely seen a meme frequently shared in recent weeks. It contains an image of an Amish man with a caption something like this: “A tourist asked an Amish man if he was Christian. The Amish man responded, ‘I don’t know. You’ll have to ask my neighbor.’” This meme came to mind this morning when, as part of my prayer and meditation, I read a portion of the 13th chapter of the gospel attributed to John. This portion recounts Jesus saying to his followers: “By this will others know that you are my disciples: your love for one another.”
Of course, John 13 isn’t the only place in the sacred writings of Christianity where love for others is described as the most important dimension of what it means to be a follower of Jesus. Ironically, as I look at the public face of Christianity in the world, the last thing that comes to mind is love. If one didn’t know any better, it would seem that legalism, judgementalism, and hypocrisy are essential for what it means to be a Christian today. But that, in itself, is an easy enough observation to make. What’s more challenging is to admit how difficult it can be to love others – to really give of one’s self for the benefit of others, to place others first.
Many of us struggle with the experience of love. Are we loved? Are we lovable? Does anyone in the world actually care for us as individuals? Many people wonder to themselves, “With all my faults and shortcomings, could anyone love me?” Sadly, most of us find many reasons inside of themselves and based on the behavior of others to conclude that they are unlovable.
Many of us have been wounded by harsh treatment, trauma, and neglect. Love has often been withheld, used as a kind of manipulation, or was based on conditions that we meet someone’s standards. In these contexts, some people have been more than willing to convince us that we are worthless. Sadly, ill-founded theologies have reinforced this by stating that we are all sinners and that there is nothing good about us. How Christians, who supposedly read the Bible, came up with this idea of our inherent badness is truly mind-boggling to me.
To be able to love authentically requires that we are able to affirm ourselves as the unique and beautiful people we are. In Christian terms, this means that we understand most deeply that we are reflections of God. It is within you and me that the Holy Spirit has made a home. Yes, we are limited individuals with short-comings. Those short-comings don’t eradicate our inherent value and goodness. Knowing that we each possess essential goodness, we are able to grow beyond our limitations, affirm who we are, and then authentically experience compassion and love for others. This is the process of coming to wholeness.
To this end, making a profession of faith or affirming a creed are completely inadequate for becoming a Christian, i.e., for becoming a person who truly loves others. Moreover, I find that this is a lifelong process. Some days we do a better job than others. After all, some days we’re more preoccupied with ourselves and our neuroses and simply have difficulty thinking of anyone but ourselves. But other days, we get it right.
Spiritual growth, growing in a living faith, is never a one-and-done kind of thing. Instead, authentic growth happens slowly over time. Often, it’s measured in barely noticeable differences that can only be seen in hindsight. Perhaps that’s a good thing. If we think we’re better at spiritual growth and development than we actually are, we can easily become arrogant or judgemental of others.
How do we know if we’re a Christian? For that matter, how do we know if we’re a good Buddhist, Hindu, Jew, Muslim or anything else? Others will know. If we’re really walking the path of our spiritual tradition, we’ll be aware of others and not ourselves. We’ll truly love.
Are you really a Christian? I suspect those around you know the truth.