As a child, I was fascinated by caterpillars. Living in rural Western Pennsylvania, there was a variety of caterpillars to be found in the back yard on plants and climbing on the stone wall of my family’s home. I was a bit older when I learned that these caterpillars would one day become butterflies. Of course, not all caterpillars make this transformation…. but a significant number of them do. Their transformation is a truly awesome process.
In essence, the life of a caterpillar and butterfly is a series of transformations. Starting as a tiny egg, the caterpillar begins to form. The organism’s DNA sets the process for the initial transformation from egg to caterpillar. It’s fascinating that a tiny egg, laid on the leaf of a plant, will transform into a living creature. The caterpillar, once hatched from the egg, grows into a feeding machine, eating the leaves of the plants where the egg was laid. In time, the caterpillar creates the chrysalis – a protective case in which a radical transformation occurs. This transformation begins as the caterpillar literally digests itself. The goo of the digestion process is encased in the chrysalis as the transformation continues, going from a hungry worm to digested goo, and then into a delicate butterfly. The new butterfly breaks out of the chrysalis and begins to fly. In turn, it serves as a pollinator which enables a variety of plants and trees to bear fruit.
In all four stages of the butterfly’s life, the creature’s DNA stays the same. Yet, even with the same DNA, the appearance radically changes from egg, to caterpillar, to chrysalis, to butterfly. If someone didn’t know this process, they would assume that each of these four stages were actually different creatures. Yet, it’s the same creature which takes on different forms.
The transformations represented in the life cycle of a butterfly provides us with an example of transformation that is relevant to understanding this process in our own lives. When we experience a real transformation, we don’t become a different human being. Our DNA is the same. But there are changes which occur within us. Because of those changes, we experience life differently … and our purpose in life can be very different. While the caterpillar is an eating machine, devouring the leaves of plants, the butterfly nurtures the lives of plants as a pollinator. Similarly, when we experience deep spiritual transformation, we often go from a time when we are focused on our own needs and what we receive to a way of living that’s marked by generously giving, nurturing of life, and compassionate.
Another model that’s been most helpful for me to understand the process of deep spiritual transformation is one developed by Biblical scholar Walter Brueggemann. While Brueggemann employs this model as a way of understanding the Hebrew Book of Psalms, as a psychologist and spiritual director, I find that it is aligned with our usual experience of transformation.
In the first stage, we move through life with a secure orientation. We’re comfortable with the way in which we live, our outlook on life, our relationships, ambitions, faith and beliefs, and spiritual life. We’re not looking for a change, even if sometimes our level of satisfaction isn’t 100%. Things are working for us well enough and we don’t want to change.
But then something happens. Brueggemann calls this a disturbing disorientation. Sometimes it’s a life event which challenges us: the ending of a relationship, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a medical diagnosis, or some other difficult event. Other times, what disturbs us is not tragic, but perhaps developmental: the experience of the “empty nest,” reaching a certain age, or realizing that life has not turned out as expected. In this, we find that the things that gave us a sense of security in the past no longer work and we experience something of an existential crisis.
Over time, and usually with some changes, our lives come back together in a surprising reorientation. Think of this as the new butterfly emerging from the chrysalis. We may not be sure how, but the way we are living is somehow new or different. Perhaps it’s because of a new insight or a different relationship to something in our lives. Perhaps it’s that a time of grief has resolved or that something new has emerged. But this is our transformation…. a new, surprising reorientation to life.
Previously, I wrote that transformation is a challenge for many people. We don’t want to change. We like to maintain our secure orientation. (Similarly, I imagine that a caterpillar is quite happy living life by eating leaves.) But if we allow ourselves to embrace the experience of disorientation, when our lives seem to be shaken up and we feel uncomfortable, we then have the possibility to discover the surprising reorientation that goes along with becoming a butterfly.
In the end, what I’ve learned about life is that whether we embrace the change of transformation or not, the process still occurs. If we resist it and try to control what’s happening to us, we will likely become bitter and rigid. But opening ourselves to the transition more likely allows us to experience a new depth in living which is the surprising reorientation which Brueggemann found in the Psalms.
Photo by PMillera4 on Foter.com/CC BY-NC-ND