My partner and I decided that we should support family-owned restaurants in our area. By not having seating patrons, many restaurants are experiencing a loss of business. We went to one of our favorite places: a Laotian restaurant about a 20-minute drive from our home. We pulled up and found that the restaurant was closed. The sign on the door indicated that they permanently closed two days earlier. We sat in the car for a few moments in silence. The pandemic was beginning to take a tangible toll.
We went to another restaurant we like. It’s a family-owned Thai restaurant. Each evening the place is usually packed. We pulled into the parking lot and saw just one car. Those patrons left as my partner went into the restaurant to place our order. In the time we were there, no other cars pulled in. I suspect that this restaurant will also close soon.
Social distancing, self-quarantining, and staying sheltered at home are critical in the face of this pandemic. Many people avoid the warnings, some thinking it’s a hoax and others believing the virus won’t infect them. To what degree is coping with such sudden changes we face a form of denial? And denial, well denial is often part of grief. Yes, as we make fast changes because of this pandemic, we are already in a state of grief.
Grief and bereavement are most often associated with the death of a loved one. We sometimes talk about grief when we experience other losses, like divorce, the loss of a job, or moving from a long-time home. Given how quickly many of us have had to re-arrange our lives, like learning to work from home, home-school children and grandchildren, and keep physical space from others by giving up visits to restaurants, coffee shops, and gyms, we have essentially lost the way of life we are used to. These changes in our way of life are significant losses.
Yes, we are making changes to keep ourselves and others healthy. That’s something very positive. But even when we choose to change for a positive reason, we still lose things that mean a great deal to us. It’s all happening so quickly that we are barely aware of what’s being lost.
While we, as individuals, may not be experts in theories of grief, we probably share the knowledge that people experience a variety of things during times of loss: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and finally acceptance. These experiences don’t come in stages one after another. Instead, they cycle back and forth. Some days, one is more prominent than others. And acceptance: well, it’s just too soon for that. These emotions will be part of our new normal for some time to come.
What can we do? We can recognize that the changes we must make today cause us loss and grief. At times, the loss may be poignant, like when I saw that a favorite restaurant was now permanently closed. But most of the losses we experience right now are less well defined. That means that we experience anger and frustration, sadness and blue spirits, and moments of bargaining in ways that aren’t connected to any one thing but are woven in with everything. We are losing the way we were living in order to live in ways that protect ourselves and others.
How can we help ourselves move through this grief? I find it to be particularly helpful to stay rooted in my spiritual practice. Yes, it’s more difficult these days to stay focused in prayer and meditation. My mind wanders more often. However, when I come home in myself and am rooted in an awareness of peace at the core of my being, I am able to let all the other concerns I have melt away. It’s when I allow myself to experience the deep rootedness of prayer and meditation that I become comfortable in recognizing that all the things we experience now will pass. The pandemic will come to an end one day.
Yes, we are all experiencing grief. Our lives are changing. We don’t know for how long. Nor do we know if what we had will return after this pandemic is over. But we do know this: inside each of us is a well-spring of wholeness that can nurture us and keep us grounded, even though everything around us is changing.
Photo source: Pixels.com by Segopotso Makhutja