It’s been part of my job for a number of years. It’s one of those “behind-the-scenes” responsibilities most people don’t realize occur in graduate schools. When a doctoral student is proposing a dissertation topic for research in psychology, I review the topic to make sure it’s appropriate for meeting both the university and degree program requirements. It’s a way of assuring that a proposal will lead to solid research.
Over the years of doing this, I’ve found that trends about topics come and go. As 2020 has continued to unfold, a clear pattern for research proposals has emerged. Many are on topics related to resiliency, thriving, or flourishing. In other words, the trend for many doctoral students at my university is an interest in understanding how people overcome difficult situations in life and live in ways that are healthy and happy.
As I read over the proposed research topics, I’ve discovered students’ interest in resiliency in particular groups of people. There are inquiries into how African-American women thrive after experiences of prejudice, how transsexual individuals overcome discrimination, how inner-city youth flourish and achieve goals in life, and how police officers recover from trauma. While there are nuances in all of these topics, it seems that these topics demonstrate that these graduate students (usually 35 to 55 years of age) are trying to understand what it means to get through difficult times in life. Further, for graduate students in disciplines like psychology, sociology, and counseling, research is often “me-search” in that the research topic usually reflects something the student has experienced and is trying to understand.
Yes, 2020 has been challenging for most of us. We’ve not been sure how to make it through. Because of that, it makes sense the graduate students would be drawn to understand how we get through and not just survive but thrive when social divisions are more pronounced than they’ve been in the last century.
As I write, we are preparing for the holiday season. In the US, Thanksgiving is quickly approaching. Christmas and New Years are not far behind. I’ve already seen people posting pictures on social media of decorated Christmas trees and sharing recipes for holiday foods. At the same time, the rate of coronavirus infection is increasing in ways that are out of control in the US while also rising in other countries. As I review proposals for dissertation research about resiliency and thriving, I am drawn to consider how it is that we can go beyond just surviving but actually thrive and flourish? We are fatigued. When we are fatigued, resiliency is a resource that’s in short supply.
To be resilient when in difficult situations or to thrive amid adversity requires the same thing: well-rounded self-care. We can’t escape the reality that life can be difficult. Some circumstances can be harsh or tragic and people can treat us in ways that are heartless and mean. Such are the aspects of life with which we all contend. What gets us through difficulties in life is understanding what it means to take care of ourselves: psychologically, spiritually, and physically.
In this pandemic and during so much social upheaval, taking care of ourselves is challenging. It’s difficult to maintain a positive outlook on life. Unless one already had a pattern of spiritual practice, it can be difficult to be focused enough to start. Caring for ourselves physically includes taking the pandemic seriously, limiting our activity, wearing masks, and washing hands.
I find that what’s important during these difficult days is not to focus on what I’m giving up day to day. Yes, there are many things I miss doing and people I would like to see. Several things I had planned for this year fell apart, just like they did for many others. Rather than focusing on those things, I find it more helpful to focus on the longer-term perspective and the things I hope for when the pandemic passes.
In days to come, I look forward not just to travel but to spend time with those close to me, to have in-person conversations over adult beverages, to relax and just be together. I look forward to returning to the performing arts and to experience the depth of energy that comes from live performance. I also look forward to singing in church: full-throated and out loud with others offering harmony and adding their enthusiasm. But none of these things will happen unless I take care of myself. In turn, those who are important to me must also take care of themselves.
Taking care of ourselves today requires that we allow ourselves to be safe and secure at home. To take care of ourselves means that we stay healthy physically and not put ourselves at risk of infection. Focusing on what we give up does us no good. Instead, we can care for ourselves when we are focused on the long-term benefit for ourselves and our loved ones.
This holiday season will be a quiet one for me. There will be no guests for Thanksgiving Dinner. No Christmas parties. My partner and I usually travel after Christmas to take advantage of my time off from the university, but not this year. Making these choices will mean that we’ll be healthy and happy for years to come. Honestly, I’d rather have many more years of visiting friends over the holidays and traveling to new places than to deal with the stress of trying to participate in holiday activities during a pandemic. Indeed, this year, what’s most important is self-care so that we can thrive and flourish with our loved ones for years to come. By taking good care of ourselves, we are also taking good care of our loved ones.
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