Church (and other religious organizations) had stopped working for many people. It’s not about losing faith in God. People pray or engage in spiritual practice. But church? Studies show that attendance continues to decline. Has church stopped working for you or for people you know? Perhaps this video will be helpful in thinking about this topic. Thanks.
The following is a text version of this blog.
Many people have told me this. It’s usually something they are uncomfortable saying to me. They just don’t go to church any longer. It’s not that they don’t believe in God. They tell me they pray regularly. Some read spiritual or religious books or watch media that inspires them. But as for attending church, well, it’s just not working for them.
To be honest about this: I don’t attend church services any longer. I dropped out before the pandemic. After I retired as a minister, I continued to attend service, both at the church where I belong and at a few other places. Each time I did, I felt worse after the service than when I walked in the door. After realizing that there was neither a spiritual nor social connection for me, I came to the decision that church wasn’t working for me. It’s something I initially felt very guilty about. But, in time, I moved past the guilt.
Here’s the thing: I spent much of my career as a minister working with local churches. I studied how to start new churches that were engaging as well as how to revitalize congregations that were dying. I developed a great deal of expertise in these areas. But time and again, what I saw was the tendency of church leaders to revert to what was both familiar and lifeless.
People stop attending church for many reasons. Some have been hurt by religious people. Some confided in a minister and found themselves the subject of the next sermon. There are those who not only disagree with the political agenda that becomes part of church life but also are offended by it. Some are simply bored. Yes, there are lots of people who are bored with church and find more spiritual depth by going for a hike or a yoga class.
Some years ago, I wrote a book called Contemporary Churches. In it, I discussed ways to make church meaningful to people. Rather than focusing on dogma and aspects of Sunday services that congregations have always done that don’t make sense to most people today, I explored how spirituality can become the focus of congregational life. I believe that when people experience something that touches them deeply, something that resonates with them, they are engaged. Politics, dogma, long-winded prayers, and music led by a well-meaning garage band don’t engage people.
I’ve already said what I have to say to church leaders. But what about those of us who find ourselves grieving the loss of a community of faith?
First, of course, explore options accessible to you. Perhaps there’s some other church, meditation group, or online discussion. It’s extremely important to find others who can support us in the spiritual journey.
Second, work with the spiritual director who can help you sort out what you need for your growth and what you can leave behind. Remember: in this matter, spiritual directors who offer ready-made advice like, “It’s not what you get out of the church, it’s what you give,” haven’t seriously considered this issue. They’re too much a part of the system to be helpful. But many good spiritual directors get it. Remember that membership in a faith community should be balanced. Yes, you should give of yourself but you should also receive. If it’s just about you giving your time, resources, and money, then it’s abusive.
Third, engage in spiritual practices that nourish your growth. Talk to others about it. As you do, you’ll build your own community. Honestly, this is what I’ve had to do.
Also, don’t be surprised when your church-going friends lose interest in you. What you’ll likely find is that when you no longer have the weekly church experience as a common bond, they won’t reach out to you. That, in itself, demonstrates the level of commitment they have to your growth and well-being.
I want to be very clear. I’m not a skeptic or someone who wants to tear down religion. But I am very clear that institutional religion as we’ve known it is dying. For myself, I hold onto the spiritual practices that are life-giving for me. I continue to study the Christian mystics, pray and meditate throughout the day, and share deeply about my inner life with the friends who make up my community. It takes a great deal of personal commitment, but I believe it’s worth it. I look forward to the day when people begin to gather in new and life-giving ways, realizing that this kind of transition has happened at other times in history for all religions.