Happiness? Despite all the media explaining how to be happy, most of us are unhappy. We pursue it. We set goals and find ourselves to be unhappy. Take a moment with me as I explore in this video our pursuit of unhappiness.
The following is a text version of this blog.
There are many books, articles, and postings on social media about happiness. Let’s be honest: most of us aren’t very good when it comes to achieving happiness. It’s not something we’ve mastered. But what most people seem to have mastered is unhappiness. Being unhappy is pretty easy. English poet Philip Larkin, speaking of his own writing, said: “I think writing about unhappiness is probably the source of my popularity. After all, most people are unhappy, don’t you think?”
Unhappiness. Dissatisfaction. The desire for something more, something new, something different. Marketing professionals know that selling new products and services depends on tapping into our unhappiness and offering us a new solution. They know us so well. A new iPhone is released and people can’t get it quickly enough. It’s not because the phone they have doesn’t work. But they want what’s new, what’s latest. Young people line up for the latest sneakers, perhaps a designer brand with the name of a current sports legend. Wearing those shoes signifies something about the person who’s wearing them. Whether it’s a new TV or another electronic gadget, a car, clothing, or a video streaming service, we want the latest. Those products all come with a promise: somehow, they’ll make us happy, admired, more respected, more…well, more something. Our consumer culture is built on our dissatisfaction with life. In marketing to us, they offer us happiness.
The consumer culture is not to blame. The consumer culture didn’t create our unhappiness. But consumer culture does exploit it. It does so masterfully.
Our consumer culture is able to exploit our unhappiness because we neither recognize that we are unhappy nor do we understand why we are unhappy. If someone were to say, “I’m unhappy!” others around them become uncomfortable. They wonder if this is depression or some other mental illness. They ask: what does so-and-so have to be unhappy about? The person may wonder themselves: I have a nice home, food on the table, a family, and a job – so what is there to be unhappy about?
What makes us unhappy is believing that we are not good enough as we are. Rather than affirming our goodness, we look outside of ourselves for fulfillment. We think, “If I had the perfect job, made enough money, had the house of my dreams, succeeded in some project, whatever it is, then I’d be happy!” Let me assure you: nothing outside of you will make you happy.
But we’re taught to set goals and go after our goals. If we achieve our goals, then we’ll be happy. We’re taught to believe in a savior and when we do, then we’ll be happy. We’re taught to be youthful, appealing, smiling, and do any number of things, and then we’ll be happy. But we won’t. By pursuing goals, achievements, wealth, and even spiritual experiences, we are actually pursuing our own unhappiness. We’re saying that we’re not good enough on our own and need something to make us whole.
We begin to experience happiness when we stop pursuing happiness. When we’re no longer striving for more and accept who we are, then we begin to find happiness. It’s the opposite of what you think it is: unhappiness is what we pursue; happiness is rooted in who we are already.
To be happy doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t grow or become better people. But happiness is rooted in our awareness that we are good enough the way we are. When we have compassion for our shortcomings and appreciate our gifts and abilities, then we move into the realm of happiness. From my perspective of spirituality, when we affirm that within us is something of the Divine, that the Divines presence is at our essence, we affirm who we are and grow in happiness. And, yes: as long as we pursue happiness outside of ourselves through success, money, possessions, or anything else including spirituality and religious experience, we pursue unhappiness.
It’s really up to you. Continue to pursue unhappiness. Or stop, take a deep breath, appreciate who you are, and, yes: don’t worry! Be happy!