I’ve had my share of hard times. There have been good times, too. That’s true for most people. But facing hard times balanced by good times has helped to shape what I believe to be true. Join me as I share in this video how life’s ups and downs have helped to shape my faith, beliefs, and values.
The following is a text version of this video blog:
I think of my life as it is today and, honestly, it’s an easy life. I have a comfortable home. I make enough money to pay my bills and have saved for retirement. I eat healthy food and have time each day for physical exercise and spiritual practice. It’s a good life. But, to be honest, my life hasn’t always been the way it is today. A lot of things went wrong and some years were difficult. Today, I want to talk about understanding those difficult times in life and where those things take us.
Early in life, I was bullied a great deal. It was bad enough in college that I transferred to another university. I lived in an apartment building that had a serious fire one night. I was the one who discovered it and called it in. I lost a lot of stuff. In the 1980s, the AIDS crisis resulted in the deaths of many people I knew. One year, I knew 27 people who died. I was in my mid-20s and facing unbelievable grief for several years. Not surprisingly, I was treated for depression. Sometime later, the agency I worked for as clinical director went belly up because of financial improprieties. I ended up on unemployment for about a year. My father died from a lingering illness. I cared for my mother for five years in my home before her death. In between these things, I received death threats and the defacement of my home because of my work as a social activist. Those are the highlights of the difficult things I’ve faced.
I want to be clear that I’m not complaining. I’m also not saying, “Woe is me! I’ve had a difficult life!” I am definitely not trying to say that I had it worse than others, because that’s not true. My struggles were unique to me. We each have our own struggles. What I’m trying to convey is that there are times that felt overwhelming and I wasn’t sure what I’d do. I know that’s also true for most people. Life can be overwhelming and we’re not sure how we’ll play the cards we’ve been dealt.
Now that I’m in older, I can look back and recognize how fortunate I’ve been. Not only were there happy times to balance what were very dark days, but somehow, I made it through. In psychology, there’s a discussion of post-traumatic growth meaning that people grow even after trauma. Some theorists talk about thriving and flourishing and the ways we subjectively meet our goals despite life’s setbacks. While I think that’s important theory in psychology, I’m not sure any of it fits my experience. Instead, I look back over my life and realize that I truly believed that there was good in life despite the events that were happening. I trusted that somehow grace would sustain me, even if I wasn’t sure what that would be. I maintained a deep conviction that there was something in life that drew me forward even when I felt like I was knocked down and not sure how to get up.
I think for me that’s what faith is all about. Faith for me isn’t about a creed or a dogma. Those are easy things. Sure, I can say I agree with somebody’s statement of faith. But what does it really mean? Real faith is in the trenches of life when life is difficult. It’s believing that there’s a way forward even when it can’t be seen.
I know that I’m going to have more hardships in life. That’s part of the nature of life. Aging brings on a whole new set of limitations that no one is prepared for. And who knows what else could happen? But right now, I know that I’ll hold onto my belief that no matter what comes my way, life will also present me with goodness, grace, and something amazing. I may not know what it is, but I believe it will be there.
In his book, Serenity at 70, Gaiety at 80, humorist Garrison Keillor wrote that he recognized that he reached the point in life where nothing was going to happen in the future that could be worse than the things he’d already
experienced. I understand that perspective. It’s a confession that affirms my faith as I move forward to what will be the last couple of decades of my life.
Faith: for me, it’s not about a creed. Instead, it boils down to a simple belief that no matter what happens in life, there will always be good, grace, and wonder to be found.