Spiritual teachers, gurus, and clergy all tell people how to engage in spiritual practices. Often, they have a “one size fits all” approach. There’s wisdom in recognizing that we each need to pray as we can, not as we can’t.
The following is a text version of this posting.
A woman shared with me that her goal is to spend two periods each day in meditation. She gets up early and sits before work. In the evening, she tries to meditate again but just falls asleep. I asked about her typical day. She explained that she works as a program director in a non-profit agency. While the job is rewarding, the salary isn’t sufficient for her expenses. She has a second job. Some evenings and weekends she drives for a ride-share company. She’s taking a course one night a week toward a graduate degree. She also shares custody of a child with her ex-husband. I asked: why, with all of those commitments, is meditation twice a day important to you? She explained that books by a meditation teacher she follows emphasized that unless someone meditated twice daily, there would be no real progress on the spiritual journey. It was then that I explained to her an important rule of prayer from Benedictine monk John Chapman: Pray as you can, not as you can’t.
This woman’s life is like many others today. There just aren’t enough hours in a day to do everything that’s needed. Some people would say that the solution is for her to get another different job, one that pays a higher salary, so that she only needs to work at one job. Perhaps that is a solution. But many people can’t find more than low-paying service sector jobs. So, they work two of them to get by. Spiritual practice can be a luxury for them. In the face of life’s realities, my response is: pray as you can, not as you can’t.
Books by spiritual teachers of all traditions encourage extensive spiritual practice. The truth is that if you live in a monastery or ashram, there are plenty of opportunities for prayer. But working people, people raising children, people with multiple responsibilities, the context of their lives is just so different from the privileged lives of spiritual teachers and monks. And yes, I have the kind of life that allows me to carve out time when I want it. But most people don’t.
For many people, time for spiritual practice happens after children are in bed. For other people, time alone for spiritual practice takes place in the bathroom because it’s the only room where no one will disturb them. Or sometimes it’s even sitting in the car in a parking lot or driveway. Praying as you can requires being honest about what you can do in your life as well as the time of prayer that fits in your life.
Not praying as you can’t means not setting expectations that aren’t reasonable for you. Some practices or patterns of prayer may be great for someone else, but not for you. If you try a spiritual practice at night and you fall asleep, that means you’re tired. What you need is sleep.
Praying as you can and not as you can’t also reflects that situations change in our lives. My desired pattern of prayer each day is a half hour in the morning, twenty or thirty minutes in the afternoon, and ten or fifteen minutes before bed. In December, I was traveling and visiting friends for the Christmas holiday. Staying nights in a hotel and days in friends’ homes meant that I had time for my practice in the morning, but not the rest of the day. That happens. It’s what I could do on vacation. But then I came home and had a COVID infection. It was a mild case, but the cough, congestion, and fatigue meant that everything I did felt like I was going through the motions but not doing anything of substance. I prayed as I could. But I lost about a month of my regular practice. That happens. So, I began again when I was feeling better and my life returned to its usual pace.
What feels right to me, my regular pattern is probably not right for you. You need to find what’s right for you. To that end, a spiritual director can be very helpful in enabling you to identify how to pray as you can and not as you can’t. It’s important to recognize that we each have our own rhythm to prayer and spiritual practice. Yes, that’s part of praying as you can and not as you can’t.
It’s a simple dictum, but it’s so very important: pray as you can, not as you can’t. Remember that for your own spiritual growth and maturity.
Thank you so much for this article. I appreciated it!
Thank you, Mary! I appreciate knowing that this was helpful for you. Lou
This idea of “pray as you can” is powerful and freeing. The example of the lady was helpful as you will read an author on this is how it is done or should be done and it may work well in the author’s life but as you said most of us are not living the life of the author. All ideas we like need to be tailored to our own experience and life. Thank you for sharing this concept!