Three Times in Life to Work with a Spiritual Director

A spiritual director is someone who has advanced in the spiritual dimension of life, who listens deeply and asks discerning questions. There are times in life when working with a spiritual director can be helpful to anyone who is on a spiritual path. In this video, I discuss three times in life when working with a spiritual director can be very helpful.

The following is a text version of this posting.

I often recommend that people work with a spiritual director.  A spiritual director is someone who has advanced along their spiritual path, who can listen deeply and reflect with you about your spiritual journey.  As a companion on the spiritual journey, a spiritual director asks questions and offers suggestions meant to support you on your spiritual journey.  Of course, it’s helpful throughout your life to work with a spiritual director.  But it may be helpful to consider three times in life when working with a spiritual director can be particularly important.

The first time in life when working with a spiritual director can be very helpful is when you become aware that your life is a spiritual journey.  Early in your spiritual journey, many things can be confusing.  You may discover new and conflicting things online or come across a variety of books and wonder what’s right for you.  Think of it this way:  when a person joins a health club, a few sessions with a personal trainer are provided.  The trainer helps to orient you to the club and equipment and provides an individualized exercise plan to help you develop your body.  A trainer will likely explain what the proper weight is for you and the duration of your workout.  It’s much the same with spiritual direction.  Not every spiritual practice or technique is right for everyone.  Different techniques may be helpful to you.  An experienced spiritual director will help you to get started in a balanced and healthy way.

When I was in my early 20s, I worked with a wise spiritual director who helped me gain focus.  Every time I read about a new practice or form of prayer, I wanted to try it out.  He reminded me that a person who is thirsty doesn’t quench their thirst by taking sips from different glasses.  Instead, a thirsty person needs to pick up a glass and drink fully. 

The second time in life when working with a spiritual director is helpful is during times of transition.  Events in our lives bring us to changes that can be uncomfortable for us.  Having a spiritual director to help us sort out what’s happening and keep us grounded can be very important.  That’s true even when we’re initiating change in our lives.  When we face transitions, like looking for a new job, considering marriage or divorce, or experiencing the loss of an important person in our lives, we begin to reappraise many aspects of our lives. Spiritual direction can be helpful in the discernment of our future steps.  Similarly, working with a spiritual director can be helpful for young people sorting out their future or those entering retirement to consider what life holds for them. 

In the 90s, I was organizing a new church in Miami’s South Beach neighborhood.  It was a highly transient area with many people under the age of 35 living there from around the world.  The congregation was bilingual and multicultural.  When I decided to accept the role of organizing pastor, I sought out a spiritual director:  a wise Roman Catholic nun who was incredibly helpful in asking thoughtful questions that kept me focused on my journey rather than getting lost in the needs of the new church. She was incredibly helpful as I made the transition to this new work.

A third time in life when spiritual direction can be very important is when we find our spiritual lives and experiences are taking us into what seems to be uncharted territory.  Perhaps our spiritual practices are leading us to mystical experiences or new depths of self-knowledge.  Great spiritual writers describe experiences that confused them, sometimes taking years to make sense of.  In these cases, finding a wise and experienced spiritual director is helpful.

About fifteen years ago, there was a decided shift in my spiritual experience.  Suffice it to say it was as though I walked through a door that had previously been closed to me.  I saw one highly recommended spiritual director who had little experience with what was happening to me.  She thought it was a mental health problem.  When I referred to spiritual literature on the topic, she was dismissive and said, “That’s not for you.”  I left.  In time, I found someone who helped me sort it out. Yes, a spiritual director can be helpful, but it needs to be the right one.

Not all spiritual directors are wise and experienced.  It’s appropriate to ask questions and discern if it’s a good fit.    But ultimately, I believe that working with a spiritual director is a significant help to not only develop the spiritual dimension of your life but also to integrate the spiritual dimension with all the other aspects of your life.