Growing spiritually is confusing for many people. Is it an individual process? Do we grow with others? Should others grow at our pace? Or should we grow at the pace of others? It’s important to consider the key aspects of the process of spiritual growth.
The following is a text version of this posting.
I share my work on social media. Because of that, I pay attention to what others post on social media about spirituality and religion. Something that’s surprised me is discovering several content creators convey a similar perspective about spiritual growth and personal relationships. While what they say may sound appealing, I think it’s dangerous. Here’s their message: “If you’re serious about your growth, then your spouse and friends need to be serious about their growth, too. If they aren’t, they are holding you back. If they aren’t growing at the same pace you are, they are holding you back. You need to get them out of your life.” Wow! I find that shocking, disturbing, and harmful. It’s a perspective that lacks an understanding of personal and spiritual growth.
Here’s what’s real: personal and spiritual growth are unique processes for each person. Just as children and adolescents don’t grow at the same rate, neither do we when it comes to spiritual growth. Some people make great progress quickly. Others seem to hold steady for a long time even though they are engaged. The pace and rate of our spiritual growth is far from linear. Ultimately, when we tend to our spirit, our inner life, growth does occur at the pace that’s right for us.
A few years ago, we planted a row of nine Italian cypress trees in our backyard. We bought them at the same nursery. These trees were all the same size when we planted them. They were fed the same fertilizer. Each spring, we fertilize them with the compost we make from kitchen scraps and yard debris. When the weather’s dry, we water them. Even though their care is as uniform as it can be, today some of the trees are shorter than others. Some are a bit fuller. They haven’t all grown in the same way. That’s just how it is with growth: it’s not uniform from one tree to another. Growth is also not uniform from one person to another.
That’s right! People don’t grow all in the same way and at the same pace. Instead, people grow in their own unique ways. Struggles in life and the losses we face may overwhelm one person. But similar hardships spur another person to grow. Experiences of beauty and inspiration may be fleeting for one person while they draw another person to a kind of transformation. None of this is programmed. It’s just how life is.
One of my favorite mystics of the Christian tradition, Teresa of Avila, wrote that during the first forty years of her life, as devoted and dedicated as she was, nothing much happened in terms of her spiritual growth. She referred to the experience as mediocrity. Then something changed for her. As those changes occurred, she grew into a mystic with her own deep and expansive spiritual experiences. In turn, her writings about her spiritual life have nurtured countless people for several hundred years.
One of the things that helped Teresa grow, something that helps me grow, yes, something that helps all of us grow is maintaining relationships with others who are growing. We help each other along the way. Maintaining those relationships is significant for our well-being and those of others. But remember: our individual growth will be different from the growth our loved ones and friends experience.
It’s important to recognize that each of us grows uniquely and at our own pace. Therefore, don’t judge the experience of others. Today, the spiritual dimension of your life may be fertile, but next year, it may be what Teresa described as mediocrity. Your friends and loved ones are on their journeys. Sometimes it will be fertile and other times not. Rather than cutting off other people, we need to learn from one other. Having the humility to learn from others, no matter where they are along their spiritual journeys, is a sign of our openness to grow.
There are so many good reminders here on spiritual growth. One important one for me is don’t compare my growth with others and to be supportive of each others growth. We are all on different paths.