The conversation caught me off guard. I was stopped by a couple of my students during a recent residency course. (I teach adults – usually ages 35 to 55 – in a doctoral program in psychology.) “We had a meeting about you,” was the opening line. Trying to be of good humor, I responded, “I hope I did something worth talking about.” After some giggles, they got to the heart of the matter. It seems that the African-American women in my class talked about my familiarity with some cultural phenomena in the Black community as well as a discussion I had with a few students that introduced them to the American Psychological Association’s Division on Black Psychology. It seems that I surprised them that a psychologist knew something of the experience of other people and cultures. One of them said, “We use the word ‘woke” to describe people like you.” I’m familiar with the term. She went on, “You’re the most ‘woke’ white man any of us have ever met. You’re not just an ally. You’re a Super Ally!” I thanked them and, as I do, I also teased them. I asked if I was going to get a t-shirt with a big “A”, like Super Man’s shirt, for being a “Super Ally.”
After the laughter, I sincerely spoke further with them. I explained that I’m uncomfortable with the term “woke.” To be woke is to be aware of issues of injustice particularly related to race and poverty. I also don’t like being considered an ally. Neither of those terms work well for me. Instead, my outlook is much simpler. Over my life, I’ve been open to people who are different from me. As a friend, I’ve listened to and learned from their experiences. Because of that, I have some insights into other people and their cultures. But I’m still a white guy of my generation. There are things I understand and a whole lot more that I don’t. In other words, because I understand some things, it would be wrong to assume that I always understand everything. I may want to … but most days, to be honest, I’m not sure I really understand my own life experience let alone the life experience of other folks. Sometimes I’m woke, sometimes I’m in a deep sleep, and many days I feel as though I’m living in a fog. I think that’s true for most people. We all have our blind spots.
I don’t know what being an ally really means. But I do know this: I do the best that I can to live out of my faith and awareness of God’s presence in each person and all of life. My faith and awareness of God’s presence draw me to compassion for and respect of others. Because of that, I generally stand on the side of issues that work for social justice for all people. At the same time, I also recognize that it’s much easier to have compassion for people at the other end of the planet who experience violence and injustice than for the person who cuts me off in traffic or the restaurant server who messes up my order. In my day-to-day life, I’m ready to utter the famous prayer, “God give me patience NOW!” Then there are the ways I treat those closest to me, like the way I sometimes respond to my partner. When I’m tired or stressed, I’m more than a little abrupt and definitely less than charitable. When I get in that mood, I wonder if others would be better off if I were simply alone and on my own.
As I explained to my students, I’m really not comfortable being told that I’m “woke.” If someone thinks that, they are surely going to be disappointed when I get something wrong or simply take a mid-day nap. It seems to me that categories of “wokeness” may somehow be useful short-hard but they miss the truth that our ability to live well with each other across our diversities is an on-going process. To that end, I’m well aware that some of my African-American friends have assumptions about being white that I just don’t fit into. I don’t see myself as “one of the good ones.” Instead, I know many people who, like myself, attempt to be present with compassion and understanding and move beyond the confines of “white privilege.” None of us will ever get it exactly right. Instead, perhaps it’s better to consider that we’re in the process of learning how to be the human race together. It’s important to celebrate our successes. It’s also important to call each other to mutual accountability when we don’t listen to or respect each other. Instead, as a person of faith, I fundamentally believe that we are called to treat each other as beings we are who are created in the image of the Divine.
Photo by Wonder woman0731 on Trend hype / CC BY