To call the familiar story of Ebenezer Scrooge a “holiday classic” is something of an understatement. The name “Scrooge” and his hallmark phrase “bah humbug!” are part of our lexicon. The unfolding of the story and its various apparitions led Ebenezer to have a change of heart, to experience compassion toward others, and to extend himself in friendship. A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens speaks to the kind of transformation that is possible for any of us.
As I approach this Christmas, I’m experiencing my own version of A Christmas Carol. You could say that the ghosts of Christmases past are haunting me. No, they aren’t the tragic, lonely, bitter Christmases from Ebenezer’s childhood. The ghosts of my Christmases past are warm, loving memories that have become more cherished with time. But these memories bring with them both sweet reminiscence and sadness. Almost all of the people in my memories of Christmases past are now deceased.
I realize that not everyone has happy memories of childhood, holidays, or their past. To be honest, when many of the actual events took place, I know that I didn’t view them the same way I do today. The brittle edges of annoyances have worn away. I’m left instead with gratitude for how deeply various people touched my life.
When I first began to study the bereavement process several decades ago, psychologists provided models for bereavement that had clear stages from beginning to end. It was believed that after moving through those stages that a person would, in time, resolve the loss and continue with life without the loved one. Bereavement and grief were considered complete. Today, theory has caught up with the reality of bereavement. While there is something of a resolution of loss and people learn to reorganize their lives without the loved one who has died, continuing bonds with that person remain. It is normal, natural, and healthy that we maintain an ongoing relationship, a continuing bond, with those who have passed from this life who were dear to us. We experience those bonds in memories, dreams, photos, objects, stories, and so much more.
I experience the ghosts of my Christmases past as I trim the tree which includes ornaments my mother hung on the tree, ornaments my father gave to me, ornaments I inherited that were once from uncles and aunts Christmas trees, as well as ornaments given to me by others over the years. The tree is topped with a light-up angel that sat on the Christmas trees of my childhood. But it’s more than the tree and ornaments. It’s remembering my father singing carols in a very loud and very off-key voice that causes me to want to both laugh out loud and to let the tears stream. Or the way a friend who died during the AIDS crisis would dress up as an elf each Christmas and bring joy and laughter to many people. These and so many more ghosts visit me at Christmas.
Indeed, while there is sadness and pain from the continuing bonds with loved ones, I am also thankful that these loved ones remain a part of my life. While I will never share the holidays with them in the same way, they continue to be part of my holiday observances. Their presence is felt and is real and is so very much appreciated.
Of course, Old Ebenezer wasn’t just visited by the Ghost of Christmas Past but also ghosts of Christmases present and yet to come. While the ghosts of my Christmases Past are very much alive for me and visit in special ways during this time of holiday observance, what makes this Christmas special are the people present in my life today. In many ways, it is the gift of their presence that makes my life worth living and the holidays worth celebrating.
As for what is to come, the stages of life continue to evolve and change. But Christmas continues to be celebrated each year filled with memories of the past, celebrations of the present, and hopes for the future. All the ghosts come together at Christmas, just as they did in Dickens’ classic story.
Photo credit: Myriams-Fotos from Pixabay.com